Keith Howard, our State Director in the Panhandle, doesn’t just talk the talk when it comes to foster care and adoption– he walks the walk. Keith recently finalized the adoption of four siblings. The same kids who are now part of his family came to our Amarillo shelter just months prior to their placement in Keith’s home. In this blog post, Keith recalls how the kids came to the shelter, and how sometimes it takes a little compassion and sacrifice to ensure the best for our kids!

It had been a busy week and I was very ready for the weekend.  In fact, it was 4:30 on a Friday afternoon and things were beginning to wrap up nicely so I could go home.  That is when the phone call came in.  The call from the state asking if the emergency shelter our organization ran had room for 4 children.  I looked at the schedule for the weekend and quickly realized we would be out of compliance on 3 shifts and we had no one to fill those gaps.  Well almost no one, there was me.  Knowing I was the only option, I put the worker on hold and this is what came next. (brutal honesty)

Me: Jesus, what should I do?  I’ve worked all week and I’m ready for the weekend!!!!

Jesus: (not audibly, but very profoundly) Are we really having this conversation about your weekend being disrupted?  These children have had their whole lives disrupted.  You know what to do.

I picked up the phone and told the worker we would accept the children into our shelter.  I then called my wife and asked her to go pick up pizza’s for the children in the shelter, because I had just taken these new children and I was headed to the shelter to keep it in compliance until 11:00 PM. My wife’s mom happened to be in town, so Staci ran and picked up pizza’s and even brought ingredients for making cookies.  She served beside me that night and was there when the children arrived at our shelter. 

Fast forward two months.  We now had our foster care license and we were preparing to take children into our own home.  Our plan of keeping sibling groups of 2-3 together had now become a plan to keep a sibling group of 4 together.  Can you guess which 4??

Yep, the 4 I almost didn’t take, because we didn’t have the staff and I didn’t want my weekend to be inconvenienced by working.  But, instead I said ‘yes’ and now 21 months later those 4 incredibly awesome and precious children still live in our home and are a big part of our family.  We have no idea what the future holds, but we are thankful we said ‘yes’, even though my selfishness clearly wanted to say ‘no!!!’. 

What will your ‘yes’ be?  Your ‘yes’ might just be what the world is needing today. 

For more than 20 years, Arrow foster mom Carroll Powell has been saving siblings from the trauma of being split apart by opening her home to them.

Due to the shortage of foster homes that take in sibling groups, siblings are separated from each other in foster care 75 percent of the time. This can compound the trauma these children are already experiencing from abuse and neglect. Children who are kept with siblings in foster care report feeling safer and more supported than those who are separated from their brothers and sisters.

“They’re already being pulled apart from their parents,” Carroll said. “They need something to hold on to.”

Carroll received her first placement of siblings in 1994. One of those children was Michael, a rambunctious second grader who was far behind in school, especially reading. Because of the stability and discipline Carroll provided, Michael not only learned to read, but caught up in school and graduated. After developing skills in carpentry, landscaping and beyond, Michael is putting his talents to good use in the Arrow facilities department.

“As you grow up, you start feeling different about things,” Michael said.  “You have to see where you were and where you are now. I just realized there has got to be a greater purpose in this life. There has to be a reason I’m here. Arrow changed my life.”

Carroll is now taking care of a sibling group of three, all of whom have special needs ranging from ADHD to bipolar disorder. She has fostered them for almost 10 years. She said the job can be tough, but it is worth it to help these children, who have endured terrible trauma in their young lives.

“You have to stop and think,” Carroll said. “These children have taken a blow. They’re dealing with the way society looks at them. These babies didn’t ask for any of that.”

She said it’s important to never give up on foster children. Foster parents are supposed to be their advocates—the people they can rely on to have their best interests at heart, she said.  It may take a while, but inevitably, a calm comes over a foster child once they begin to trust you and feel safe.

“I get children that have been jumped around, and it messes them up,” Carroll said. “Parents let go for silly little reasons. The kids are going to act out, but you have to hang on. You wouldn’t let go of your own children, and these are my kids because I am their voice.”

When a child is taken from an abusive situation, many times the best option is to put them under the care of an adult they already know and trust, like an aunt, a grandparent or even a teacher.

Being placed with a familiar person can lessen the fear and anxiety children may have about being in foster care. But these placements have their own unique needs and challenges, which is why Arrow recently launched a pilot program focused on kinship care.

“Our kinship families need someone to help walk them through the process—someone who is 100% focused on them when they need help becoming licensed,” said Kari Dodson, Arrow’s new Kinship Coordinator.

About a third of all foster children are in kinship placements. When a child is removed from a home, CPS first looks to see if a family member, or even a close friend, is available to give the child the love and care they deserve.

“It’s always traumatic when a child is removed, but kinship care certainly makes it easier because they’re not going with strangers,” Kari said. “They know the home and they know the family.”

But that means families who had not thought about fostering a child before may suddenly find themselves in need of a license, and quickly. If a kinship family can’t make the regular Arrow trainings, Kari plans to have additional flexible trainings for them.

Additionally, Kari will visit kinship homes early in the certification process to make sure everything is compliance. For instance, state rules mandate that homes can’t have burglar bars, and medicine must be locked away. With Kari’s help, kinship families won’t have to delay their license due to an oversight of a safety regulation.

Kari said she loves working with kinship families because of their dedication to their foster kids.

“They come in with a commitment to the kids, they just flat out need help with the license, and a lot of times they end up adopting if the parents’ rights are terminated,” Kari said. “It’s much more rare for them to give up saying ‘It’s too hard’ or ‘It’s not what I thought.’”

If you or someone you know needs help becoming a foster home for a kinship placement, you can email Kari at [email protected].

One of our Amarillo foster families helped reunite a family of eight when they gave an incredible gift to the birth mother of their foster children!

The Neal family has been fostering three children who are part of a sibling group of seven for the past year, and have been supportive and encouraging toward the children’s birth mother. At a recent permanency conference, a CPS caseworker expressed concern about the mother being unable to afford a vehicle that could transport the children safely, which would postpone their reunification dates.

“The conference ended without a conclusion,” said Kelsi Vines, the Neal’s AFS. “Everyone wondered how a single mother could find a suitable vehicle in such a short amount of time with no support.”

When the Neals heard about the possibility of the reunification dates being further delayed, they decided to gift the children’s birth mother with their newest minivan! Now, reunification is moving forward as planned.

“Foster families who choose to walk alongside biological parents, when possible, play a huge role in encouraging and providing support during undoubtedly the lowest point in that parent’s life,” Kelsi said. “The Neals have been a great example of the love of Christ during this foster journey– they give and give and give, even without any security of seeing their little ones again once reunified. Surely, this is the unconditional love Christ so often spoke of– no strings attached, no debt incurred, freely given to those in need.”

The holidays are a joyous time for most of us, but can also be a time of great stress and anxiety, especially for foster children. They may be missing their biological families, and the time off from school can throw off their routine. That’s why it’s so important to be sensitive to their feelings during Christmas time.

Andrea Requenes, Spring Program Director, gave us some tips for making the Christmas season go as smoothly as possible for foster kids.

For kids who are missing their biological families during Christmas, Andrea says one way to give them a sense of home is to incorporate one of their family traditions into the celebration. One of our families has successfully done this in their foster home for years.

“One kid might say, ‘Well it’s my family’s tradition to drink hot chocolate on Christmas Eve, and another might say ‘I really liked when we would all get to pick an ornament for the tree.’” Andrea said. Then the foster family has this big holiday party with all the different traditions. I always thought that was a good way to handle that.”

When it comes time to open presents, or have a big Christmas meal, foster kids may worry their bio parents are not faring as well. They may wonder if their bio parents are safe, or have enough to eat. They may become moody or sad, so be sensitive to their situation.

Meeting extended family can also create anxiety among foster kids during the holidays. Andrea suggests including foster children in family events, but not pushing them to share their story if they don’t want to.

“We don’t want the child to feel left out, but we certainly don’t want to put the child on display, or make them feel they have to explain their story to all these strangers,” Andrea said. “It’s great to include them, but be sensitive to how you introduce the children.”

Finally, Andrea says to manage expectations during the holidays. Temper tantrums may be more frequent with all the excitement and stimuli.

“I’m a grown woman, and even I sometimes want to throw a temper tantrum when I go Christmas shopping,” she said. “Be mindful of the fact that they’re off schedule, they’re off from school and they’re probably eating more sugar with all the Christmas sweets around. It’s just like with your bio kids, except these kids have traumatic backgrounds to deal with on top of all of that, so if you’re taking them to a lot of events and parties, have patience.”